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Monday, February 27, 2006

Hunga Bunga Damn

It's a thing in my family [my dad and me] to say weird words, come up with strange nicknames, and generally do things that some may find really strange. I don't worry about it too much, hence the name of this post.

I say, "Hunga bunga, damn," because the time got away from me today, and I got nothing accomplished. I skipped church, but that was probably God telling me not to go. We had a guest speaker [a former pastor of the church from before we moved here], and apparently he was horrible. One of my friends got so pissed off, she got up and left.

He was one of those 'turn or burn' preachers, and well, y'all know how I feel about that. I might have had to slap the shit out of a manogod, right there in front of everybody. I'm generally a peace loving girl until people start getting hurt needlessly, then I start yelling. 'Turn or burn' style preaching is just plain evil.

And the sad thing is, that man was preaching from a heart that genuinely loves God, and he's doing what he believes God has called him to do. How the hell is that possible? you ask.

I don't know how, but I know it happens. I know it happens because I was once that kind of person. Yeah, really. And the only way I know to explain it is to say I lost my way. I was seeking God, but then I thought I'd found him, and figured out what he expected of me [and others] and I forgot to seek him. I started spewing 'the rules' instead.

And the thing that still gets me is that I really loved God, and wanted to do his will. My heart was sincere. My intent was not to hurt anyone, but in focusing on rules of conduct, I couldn't focus on the hearts of others [or my own, for that matter]. I couldn't feel compassion for people who I believed were doing bad things because all I saw was the external. I couldn't see their hearts, so I looked at their actions and judged them accordingly.

There's even scripture people use to justify judging others, but it's taken out of context. The only person whose actions I have the right to judge are my own because I usually know if my motive is right. If my motive is jacked up, then no matter what I am doing [whether it looks right or not] is not pleasing to God.

But I can't see your motives, I can only guess. And recently, I've begun giving people the benefit of the doubt more. It's so much easier to assume you're heart's in the right place even if your actions suck than to assume you're hurting me because you're an asshole.

It is true that some people are assholes, and they like it that way [maybe] but I can't live my life in the way Jesus did if I'm constantly assuming the worst of people. And I've made a conscious choice to stop doing that. I don't always succeed, but I'm trying.

So anyway, I have to get up early in the morning [Steve's in a mood so we're having a 'work day'] so I'm hitting the sack. Take care, friends.

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